I know some people who consider themselves as social and some who consider they are not very skilled in social situations. But these are not the opposites.
To some people social equals to gregarious, loud and outgoing to the point where they suffocate everyone else. They usually like to socialize, but they pick only the company that supports their own ego and hear only the comments that support their own view on themselves. Yes, on themselves, because they usually are not interested of the world around them and the people in it. Their excuse is the interest and love to other people but the truth is usually interest on themselves and using other people in the process. They have an inner world - oversized ego - which they've built and they use other people as mirrors. But in a way like the Snow White's stepmother used the mirror, not really seeing what is actually going on around them.
Social is just being social. Last time checking the dictionary it said "People who like to be with other people". It doesn't include the social skills. Social and socially skilled people on the other hand seem to be less social on the first glance. This is because they are genuinely interested of others but they also have the ability to give room for the people around them. They also strive to understand other points of views and they understand the need of inner silence in the process. By talking, you only find what you wanted to find, usually a reflection of yourself. By listening, you find what's outside you, and you risk a chance of learning of the world and people around you.
The problem with this term "social" is the illusion of social people being also socially skilled, considering and loving persons. This is not true. In my life this has usually been exactly the opposite. Including myself. But I've come to learn that the social life is so much easier with the social skills and they are worth the pursue. Though it can be pain at the start and requires you to give up a lot of the pile of crap you've used to call yourself.
One of today's slogan is that "you don't need to understand other people to get along with them". This is true to the point in getting along. But if one claims to be social and socially skilled, considering and open person, you really do need to understand. You can't make this happen just by saying this is true - you might not see the truth, but trust me, other people do. Whether or not they are polite enough not to say that aloud. If you want to see, learn and develop yourself, you do need to understand. If you lack the ability, the empathy, to do this, you should probably train yourself. Empathy is also a skill that can be learned. Study yourself and find the reason for the inability. Sometimes this process reveals something of yourself, something you didn't want to know and accept, but I tell you, it is worth it. And it's possible for everyone.
You just need to stop. Yes, you. Not the other people.
1 comment:
I find one misleading concept in this writing. it hints that man either "is" or "is not" something total relating to ego's blinding effects. This is of course not true. Same people can in different topics, environments and situations act in very diverse ways. For example I notice a different level of reaction in different situations.
Probably it has something to do with the "importance" of the topic to me. "Importance" because it usually is only important to me - not important from any other point of view.
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